“You’re so Brave”

Advocacy, General 2 Minutes

I have never known quite what to do with the word brave. It shows up so quickly whenever people witness suffering, ready in their mouths like a ceremonial offering. You’re so brave. They say it softly, reverently, as though bravery is the natural companion to illness, grief, fear, survival. As though courage blooms automatically inside catastrophe like a flower turning obediently toward light.

But something in me has always resisted it.

Perhaps because bravery sounds too willing. Too noble. Too purposeful.

It feels, sometimes, as though the word quietly mistakes endurance for consent. As though surviving something unimaginable means you somehow agreed to participate in it. As though standing upright in the wreckage implies you volunteered for the storm. People call you brave because they cannot bear the possibility that terror and suffering happen randomly, unfairly, without permission. “Brave” gives structure to chaos. It transforms helplessness into heroism. It makes pain easier to witness.

But I have never felt heroic.

I have felt consistently terrified for nearly nine (9) years.

Terrified in waiting room after waiting room. Terrified before (and after) scan after scan. Terrified by the way my body has betrayed itself silently, cell by cell, while the world continues on with grocery lists and traffic lights and ordinary weather. Terrified by pain that arrives without warning and no one really helps me figure out the origin. Terrified of loss after loss, friend after friend entering hospice. Terrified of becoming smaller and smaller inside a life increasingly organized around survival. Terrified of leaving too soon and the devastation I will inflict on those around me.

And yet.

I still showed up.

That is the part I am proudest of.

Not the illusion of fearlessness, but the presence of fear itself. Because courage without fear is simply ease. What astonishes me now is not the absence of terror, but the decision to continue alongside it, with it, day after day. To carry fear into the PET machine. Into yet another infusion. Into difficult conversations and uncertain futures. Into yet another surgery. Into new diagnoses — clots and new primary cancer just in 2025. To wake each morning with dread sitting heavy at the edge of the bed and rise anyway.

That feels more honest than bravery.

We misunderstand courage when we imagine it as a kind of shining invincibility. Most courage is not triumphant music swelling in the background. Most courage is quiet and exhausted and deeply unwilling. It cries in the car before appointments (and often afterwards as well). It bargains with itself in parking garages. It trembles while signing consent forms. It searches statistics at two in the morning and still manages, somehow, to attend tomorrow.

The people who inspire me most are not fearless people. They are terrified people who continue.

Parents who show up for their children while carrying devastating diagnoses. Friends who answer messages while drowning privately. Patients who return for treatment despite knowing exactly how much it will hurt, exactly how much suffering will ensue. People who continue loving, planning, hoping, working, laughing in fragments, even while fear moves through them like weather.

That is not bravery in the mythic sense people often mean.

It is something more human.

More raw.

More miraculous, perhaps, because it does not erase fear in order to move forward. It makes room for fear at the table and continues anyway.

So no, I do not think we are brave because suffering transformed us into warriors or saints. I think we are ordinary people asked to carry extraordinary things. And I think there is profound dignity in continuing to show up for our lives, for our families, for dear friends despite how terrified we are.

Not fearless.

Faithful. Showing up. Here.

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Published by Abigail Johnston

I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother, and I've been living with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer since March, 2017. All of the words I publish are my own.

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71 thoughts on ““You’re so Brave””

  1. Oh my goodness Abigail, your life is not, and never will be, small with thinking, feeling, writing, and sharing such as this. I would just love to have a cup of coffee with you around a pretty garden. We could share our fears (my C journey is different from yours) along with the love and light that we continue to experience in our daily lives. Quiet bravery comes in many hues.

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  3. I just read your latest post as I sit in the chair for infusion #18 in my current course of treatment. Once again, your words resonate in such beautifully profound way, touching my heart, warming my soul—a grateful benefactor of your words and wisdom. I never feel brave either. For me, it’s just putting one foot in front of the other, facing life as it comes, and showing up.

    With your permission, I’d like to reblog this post on my site.

    Thank you for continuing to show up, Abigail.

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  7. I read this with continued amazement at your ability to express in words what you are experiencing. The truth that endurance is not consent really struck me. Praying for you as you keep showing up, getting up, moving forward. 🙏❤️

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  9. I couldn’t agree more. So many storms. So many pains. Walking up and getting out of bed is even a battle. We have to surpass. Despite all the pains and uncertainties. Showing up, smiling takes so much courage. Thanks for this Abi.

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  10. Endurance. In spite of everything life throws at us. Showing up. Putting one step in front of another. Facing yet another uphill climb even after just finishing one.
    It does take alot of courage to keep going. I admire you for writing this, for putting this out there. For being so raw and unfiltered about this journey.
    Thank you.

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  11. You’re so right about the word “brave”, Abigail. People use it as a euphemism glossing over the real truths. It is definitely over-rated. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece.

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  14. *Morning Prayer for You Today – NKJV*

    Heavenly Father,

    Thank You for this new day. *Lamentations 3:22-23 NKJV* _“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”_

    *1. Lord, Order My Steps*
    *Psalm 5:3 NKJV* _“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, and I will look up.”_
    Guide me today Charles. Go before me. Make every crooked path straight. Let me not miss Your divine appointments.

    *2. Lord, Strengthen My Spirit, Soul & Body*
    *Isaiah 40:31 NKJV* _“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles…”_
    Give me strength for work, peace for my mind, and health for my body. I will not be weak or weary today.

    *3. Lord, Protect and Provide*
    *Psalm 91:11 NKJV* _“For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.”_
    Cover me, my family, and my hustle. Block every evil plan. Open doors of blessing, favor, and money that will glorify You.

    *4. Lord, Fill My Mouth*
    Let my words today bring life, prayers, and hope to others. Make my blog, my WhatsApp, and my conversations a place where people meet You.

    *Psalm 118:24 NKJV* _“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.”_

    I receive this day with joy. I will not fear, I will not fail, because You are with me.
    In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen

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  15. Hi Abigail
    Interesting is the etymology of ‘brave’. It comes from the Vulgar Latin ‘bravus’ which means villain or crooked. Over time, the meaning shifted to wild in the 15th and 16th centuries. By the end of the 17th c. the meaning shifted to fine and later to be able to face danger and endure pain. That was mostly connected with wartime. It was the time of the Thirty Years’ War.
    Klausbernd 🙂

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  18. What looks like bravery to others is simply grit and determination to see something through to the best of our abilities.

    People who run away from certain problems are running away from their fear that they won’t be able to handle it. They aren’t giving themselves a chance to grow by digging deeper.

    We can all develop grit. Even when we don’t feel we have it in the moment. It’s something we can grow with.

    We don’t need to feel ready, if we wait until we do, then we will be on the sidelines and potentially letting others down. We just need to start, and then keep putting one foot in front of the other, keeping going as long as we can. When we feel we can’t go further, go to sleep, eat a meal, talk to a friend. Often we see we haven’t run out of road, we’ve just run out of breath.

    Bravery is simply a facade others see in their minds, but the reality is someone who just keeps walking forward one step at a time and resting as necessary.

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  19. ‘Most courage is quiet and exhausted and deeply unwilling. ‘

    I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but it still hits with what I’m going through. Thanks for shining some truth on it.

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  20. What moved me most was the reminder that real courage is not the absence of fear, but choosing to keep showing up despite it. Wishing you strength and brighter days ahead. 🤍

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  24. Bravo to you for showing up and I wish you good health now and future. I agree that bravery can come in many forms. The most courageous human, someone who might intervene during a mugging on the subway for example, could be terrified of a bee. A shy, retiring person might be the first to jump out and give aid when witnessing a car accident. Sadly, I never think of myself as truly brave. I long to be that person who would help without thinking first of the consequences, such as if I witnessed that car accident but fear often prevents my action. What if I did more harm than good? What if that mugger turned on me? However I have not yet been in that situation so maybe I will surprise myself. I read once that a true hero doesn’t stop and think before they jump into action but rather are programmed to do so.

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    1. You make such a good point — some of our behavior is simply instinctive regardless of personality or conditioning or training. I, too, would hope for the “right” reaction in a crisis while hoping never to test that theory. Appreciate you reading and commenting!

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  27. The word brave, and the way its meaning has evolved throughout history, has come to represent far more than simply being courageous. It embodies character, integrity, resilience, and the strength to endure under pressure.

    In many ways, that is exactly what the word reflects in your story—your difficult journey, your unwavering spirit, and your fight for survival.

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  30. “Terrified people who continue.” That line will stay with me. We often mistake endurance for bravery, but you’ve captured something much more honest—the quiet act of simply showing up, even when fear never leaves. Thank you for sharing this.

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  31. The word “brave” can carry so much unintentional weight, can’t it, as though it reframes something deeply unwanted into a choice, a virtue, a performance. You didn’t audition for courage. You are simply living your life under circumstances most people are fortunate enough not to fully understand. There is something far more honest in what you have written here than in any well-meaning two-word offering. Thank you for naming this so clearly and so truthfully.

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  32. I have been getting that comment for almost 4 years now. You are so brave, I feel like saying I am not brave, I am terrified, I want to scream, “I can’t cope anymore” but I have no other choice but to continue to plod along. As soon as the awful C word is spoken reactions differ, from silence, not knowing what to say to, but “you are so brave you will fight this”. The truth is I know how to fake being brave as I have no other choice. Wishing you all the best Abigail x

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  33. Dear Abigail,

    You are not the godawful events that happened to you. It is all ordering well for you. Whatever occurred was to profoundly unseal who you absolutely are purosed for and being prepared through it all to become the beautiful you. Nothing occurs for the sake of occurring. Breathe on okay!

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  36. You nailed it when you said “I still showed up.”

    Being brave is entirely about confronting the fear, the pain and still showing up.

    I get what you’re saying, but I still think that living with and fighting an illness everyday does make you brave. It makes you brave in the eyes of others for the same reason that rushing into a burning building is considered brave: because most people can’t even imagine doing it themselves.

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