What often takes up space in my brain since my Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC) diagnosis in 2017 isn’t just the cancer, it is the knowledge of how vulnerable you have become to everything else. A virus. An infection. A fever. A blood count. A medication that stops working. A medication that causes a … Continue reading Vulnerable
There is no single way people enter the rooms of terminal cancer care. The diagnosis may be shared in one sentence, in one scan report, in one quiet phone call, but what follows fractures into a thousand different languages depending on who is holding the clipboard, who is asking the questions, and who is trying … Continue reading Different people experiencing medical care
As we begin yet another Breast Cancer Awareness Month (#10 since my de novo Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC) in 2017), I have been pondering the profound ways that living with MBC has changed me as a person. I’m often asked the question (in varying language): “Is cancer synonymous with your identity now?” And … Continue reading Living with Stage IV MBC: Identity
There are people who enter your life and, somehow, the shape of the world changes. Not because they stay forever; sometimes it is because they leave something behind that makes forever seem like the wrong measure of time. Alyssa Tsagong was one of those people for me. I have been thinking about how we remember … Continue reading The Rainbows She Sends
The most dangerous person to ask about tolerability is often the person who doesn’t have to take the drug. Not because they’re unintelligent or without access to data. Not because they’re uncaring, but because they get to go home afterward without the ramifications of the treatment. The patient does not. The patient takes all the … Continue reading Well Tolerated?
There are some people who leave this world and the grief is straightforward. It is terrible, of course. It hurts. We miss them. We remember them. And then there are people whose deaths seem to demand something more from us. They make us stop. They make us look harder at the life that was lived … Continue reading Annick, and the Beauty of a Life Lived Fully
A quote, often attributed to the motivational speaker and author Trent Shelton, was posted in a Facebook support group the other day that hit my heart — “Trying to heal while trying to grieve while trying to forgive while trying to forget while trying to love while trying to be loved; that is a lot. For … Continue reading It’s a lot
There are some deaths that feel particularly cruel, not because death is ever fair. It isn’t. At the same time, sometimes the person who dies has spent her life trying to understand exactly how to keep people alive. Dr. Jill Tirabassi was one of those people. Jill was a physician in Buffalo, New York. She … Continue reading Remembering Dr. Jill Tirabassi
Strength is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. People say it like it means invincibility. Like strength is the absence of collapse. Like strong women are carved from marble instead of flesh. Like they wake each morning with steady hands and unwavering certainty, moving through grief and exhaustion with glossy hair … Continue reading “You’re so strong”
There are days when the world feels too heavy to carry. Days when the weight of terminal cancer sits on my chest before my feet even touch the floor. Days when the scanxiety hums in the background like an appliance that never shuts off. Days when my body feels unreliable and my future feels uncertain … Continue reading Getting lost in a good book
