Active Shooter Drills

One of the silver linings of losing my career at 38 years young is that I have more time to volunteer and participate in my children’s education — certainly came in handy during the pandemic and we were doing some semblance of school from our homes. As my health has ebbed and flowed over the past few years, I’ve been able to establish volunteer roles at each of my children’s schools — in the elementary school, I spend one day a week re-shelving books in the media center and in the middle school, I help organize legos and other materials for the robotics teacher once a week.

And while I was volunteering a few weeks ago, as there often are, I participated in a few drills. One was a fire drill and the other was an active shooter drill. I honestly really hate that we have to think about active shooters on a school campus at any level, but particularly when the kiddos are so young and major kudos to all the teachers and administrators who have to keep everything normal for those kiddos while actively preparing for the worst. Also, in what other profession (other than the police or the military) does an employee have to prepare continuously for an armed assailant? It’s mind boggling what teachers have to handle and how much we put on them as a society.

On April 20, 1999, when the Columbine school shooting happened, I was about to graduate from college the first time and having graduated from high school in 1996, I was pretty close in age to the people affected directly. I vividly remember watching the reports in complete shock; school has never felt the same to me. I share this to remind even myself that my own experiences in public high school in rural Ohio aren’t so analogous to the experiences my kids face each day. We’ve had several school shootings in Florida, including the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting in 2018 when we lived in South Florida, and the horrific possibilities often weigh on us as a family.

When the announcement came that there was an active shooter drill, the teacher and students in the classroom where I was jumped into action. It isn’t the beginning of the school year, so they’ve had some time to practice (and in previous grades, I’m sure). In minutes, we were in position and sat on the floor, in the dark until given the all clear, all the while listening to someone walk the hallways, bang on the doors and windows and try to open the doors.

I felt close to tears a few times while waiting to be given the all clear, it felt so precarious to trust a door and turning off the lights. Many of the school shooters have had high capacity clips, guns that can accommodate settings that allow them to shoot automatically or semi-automatically and the ability to literally spray bullets in a particular direction. And the types of ammunition various school shooters have had access to aren’t for the faint of heart. I’m no expert on guns or ammunition, but the measures didn’t seem even close to enough to prevent someone who really wanted to get to us.

And if I felt that way once, for a few minutes, how are our children affected? I asked some of the kids what they thought about the experience and most of them shrugged it off. I asked my own children and got a similar response. I’ve never been in a situation where someone was attempting to shoot me and neither have they, but the preparation for it felt big, weighty, and scary; I felt vulnerable and helpless in a way that was not pleasant.

Yes, I usually write about health issues and the healthcare system and all of the many many ways I struggle to maintain my autonomy and humanity in the middle of having to access care to stay alive, but this experience, it has broken my heart. Are we all really ok with having our children wait in the dark, practicing how to hide from someone who is trying to shoot them in a place where they should feel safe? Are we all really ok with the idea that there is a door and a lock between our precious children and someone who is trying to end their lives?

I’m aghast and hugging my kiddos a little harder tonight. Pretty sure we can do better than this.