BCAM: October 11th

Death, is a really hard subject to talk about. Our culture does not give us a language and we, as a culture, tidy death away from from sight. Because of that, we’ve lost the ability as a culture to really support one another when we have to face it.

Here’s what Adiba has to say …

I’ve often likened living with death (a terminal diagnosis) like the sword of Damocles hanging over our heads all day, every day. The effect on our lives of living with death so much closer to us than we ever thought before cannot be calculated or identified clearly. It is difficult for us to measure or explain how much harder it is to focus or engage even in rituals or holidays we look forward to. It’s just that the thought of, this could be the last of whatever is going on, is always there below the surface.

It’s extremely important to remember that no one should tell anyone else how to feel or how to think or how to handle a trauma/crisis. No two people are the same. No two of us in the MBC community are the same. For those of us in the MBC community, as well as outside, it is extremely important to ask questions. Don’t assume, ask. Don’t tell, ask.

Additionally, telling anyone “don’t think like that” or “don’t say that” when that person is attempting to work through their feelings about a particular subject is dismissive. Those of us who stare death in the face each day, who hear about our friends dying every day, who learn more about the inevitable march of the cancer in our bodies and other’s bodies every day, we think differently. Listen to us when we talk about what reminds us of our impending death. Sit with us when we are in the valley. Walk with us through this experience.

You’ll be glad you did.

And now you know more about living with a terminal diagnosis and how to support those of us in the MBC community.

12 thoughts on “BCAM: October 11th

  1. Dear Abigail. Thank you for your post. I had a friend, at least I thought she was, who comforted me and was backing me up when I was diagnosed with breast cancer January 2020. She asked me every day how I was doing, and I told her the hard truth. I was not feeling alright, and this was connected to my cancer. One day she asked me the exact same question, and she replied to my answer: Can you stop talking about your cancer? Ok I answered. Why are you asking then? I walked out on her and I have never looked back. I was often annoyed because she constanly told me how to live my life, and the next minute she stabbed me in my back. One thing cancer has learned me is who my friends are.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had a “friend” like this. She didn’t understand why I wasn’t back to normal once all my (initial) treatment was over. Her ring tone for me was Let It Go, and she didn’t want me to talk about cancer at all. I have since dumped her. I needed/need support.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I am sorry you had the same experience as me. We need a lot of support and all these emotions are not a quick fix. I was really, really disappointed.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been trying to get my family to discuss my death – I’m MBC. It’s hard. I even wrote about it in Nancy’s Point and got back comments about other people’s wishes. So I know it’s on our minds. Thank you for posting.

    Liked by 1 person

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