When I was bald and my skin was literally gray from chemo, people stopped to help me. They opened doors (more than when I was hugely pregnant), they let me go in front of lines, they didn’t give me weird looks when I parked in handicapped parking spots, etc. When I used a walker to get around, people went out of their way.
Once my hair grew back, my skin started to look more healthy, and I’ve been more mobile, I’ve had notes left on my car about not needing the handicapped spot and no one helps me in public. When I’ve asked for assistance in the airport, for instance, when we were still traveling, or to carry an item I’ve purchased to my car, I’ve gotten significant pushbacks, both non-verbally and verbally.
Yes, at times those of us who are #LivingWhileDying look like it on the outside, but more often than not, we don’t. Just another reason to be kind to people, especially when those people are asking for help.
And now you know more about what MBC “looks” like.
No Half Measures 
It’s unfortunate that many people care more about whether or not you fit a stereotype than what your actual experience is.
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That’s a fascinating way to put it. I think a lot of it, frankly, is fear. Generally, I think people want to categorize others into a place where it appears that they won’t suffer or also experience something negative. So if I’m in a category that keeps them from being fearful that they too could have MBC, then they feel better. We people are interesting folk! 🙂
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So true! My new next door neighbor had a BC flag in her yard. When I commented she said, “Well, that’s all over now.” When I told her i have MBC she asked what it was and then said, “You don’t look sick.” ANGER!!!!
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I’m so sorry. I’m astonished every day at the things people say without really thinking how their words will be received.
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Your words inspire me to me a better, kinder, more Living person every time. Blessed be, Robyn
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I’m so glad my posts have resonated with you! Thank you for reading and commenting.
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Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
LOOKS ARE DECEIVING!
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Thank you for sharing!
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Very Welcome You Are!
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This is very inspiring post..
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Thank you.
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You are most welcome dear
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Yep, I get the same. I actually live everyday looking my best as I don’t know when is my last. And it helps me feel good. So it shocks everyone a little more when I straight up come out with I have terminal cancer. It seems to have given me a wicked sense of humour. Ha, ha. But also, I have made friends with death and if stigma or judgement can be challenged in another person then job done. I figure if what I am going through can help change others perspectives. Then some good has come from it. Also, people are just plain confusing and need to start working from a basis of love not fear…but that’s a whole nother old chestnut. 💜🌟🦋
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You are so right! I think a wicked sense of humor is a must with MBC. ❤️
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Never judge and I always have followed this well known quote: there but for the grace of god go I. I do know people who use their deceased grandparents and parents hang tags and I get very upset with them. But you are facing the fallout of bad behavior. And as people only accuse others of what they themselves would do or they’d not be able to think of what you’re doing as wrong. Chances are they wish they had one when they couldn’t find a spot or are lazy sods who don’t want to walk too far. I cannot think of a time when I saw someone struggling I didn’t rush to help. Mostly I’m shooed away. But who cares. Those who’ve accepted the assistance did need it. And as strong as I am lucky to be for the time that I am…I only wish I were there to help.
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Yes! I am the same way and get a lot of odd looks when I offer to help, but I am well aware of times that I wished I had had help and people just walked on by. I think the strangest thing I’ve seen is how often other moms will stop to help or just other women where men are less likely to offer. Yet, I grew up seeing my grandfathers and my dad always offer to help anyone who was nearby, especially women with kiddos. I think it’s sad that that level of chivalry is so rare these days. Definitely teaching my boys with words and example that we always offer to help if we can. 🙂
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