I know this blog is about my experiences as a woman living with Stage IV metastatic breast cancer, but I need to take a small break and talk about prejudice and racism.
As most of you know, I’m a WASP. I’m originally from the Midwest but I am a White Anglo Saxon Protestant. I’m married to a dark skinned naturalized citizen from Jamaica and our boys are a beautiful brown mix of the two of us.
Hey, I know I’m biased, but just look at how amazing they are!!
I’m still learning about how to deal with racism, whether overt or covert. News Flash, I’m not dealing very well with it. When my husband and my kids are treated differently, it boils my blood like nothing else. Nothing.
Recently, we’ve encountered an issue in our neighborhood. Specifically with the use of the tennis courts in our neighborhood. Ridiculous, right? How could tennis courts result in racism?
My children have been taking tennis lessons for nearly 2 years now from an amazing tennis coach that comes to our neighborhood. She is truly a gifted teacher and my boys love her. We share the time with several other families in our neighborhood. The coach is super nice, respectful, etc. She has never caused any problems and has never been late.
Fast forward to last weekend when an adult white man thought he should have the tennis court and my husband, children and our coach should leave. There are no rules in our neighborhood that would allow one resident to force another to leave a common area yet this man thought he could bully them because he wanted to play instead of the children. He pretended to serve the tennis ball into my husband’s face and kept yelling “Where are you from?” to my husband and our coach.
This happened in front of my boys.
They are 6 and 4.
They watched this horrible man belittle and be disrespectful to their father and coach.
My husband handled the situation beautifully, respectfully communicating that he would not be bullied or pushed around. He did leave the tennis court that day because the man was so awful and the boys were present and there is a second court. When my parents attempted to talk to the man, he calmed down. He apologized to my tall white father while ignoring my mother.
When we filed a formal complaint with the homeowners association and suggested remedies for the situation, we learned that this man is a known bully. He is a known racist. He is known to be extremely negative towards immigrants. He is known to use his whiteness and his height to intimidate others into giving him what he wants.
It is known.
And yet, his behavior doesn’t stop.
He has no idea what can of worms he just opened when he behaved this way towards my husband and my kids. If he needs to know where I’m from, I’m happy to tell him I arrived in Florida from Ohio by way of law school in Virginia. I suspect that’s not what he wanted to know.
It is 2019. The idea that any person is better than another because of their gender or skin color or height or nationality whatever is not only outdated, it is criminal. No one should tolerate this behavior and yet the lack of people standing up to bullies and racists and misogynists is astonishing.
The ONLY way for men like this to win and get what they want by being horrible is when the targets don’t back down and neither does the community.
You’ve been warned, you racists and misogynists, you don’t get to mess with my family without consequences.