10 days after IV Chemo and an MRI

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Ten days ago, on 2/4, I started a combination of medication and it’s been a struggle to do anything for the last ten days. I think the fact that everything started all at once made a difference and that it’s been nearly 5 years since I last had IV chemo. With all the oral therapy I’ve had since I was in chemo last time, my body just isn’t the same. There is a picture I’ve included below about the what the weight of grief feels like.

The weight of chemo fatigue is similar …

For those of us diagnosed de novo (or from the beginning) metastatic, the “norm” is to start targeted therapy right away and so there is this general feeling that IV chemo is the beginning of the end. I’ve often fallen prey to this thinking as well, especially since this regimen is necessary because of progression to soft tissue for the first time. It certainly doesn’t feel like a move in the right direction. Going “back” to a regimen that kills all the fast dividing cells, healthy and cancer, really does feel like a step back as well as a move down a sinister path.

A path I don’t want to be on.

And yet, as I remind myself … where there is life, there is hope. There is hope that the regimen will do its job and I’ll be able to go “back” to targeted therapy, perhaps something in a trial right now. There is hope that the cancer mutating from more luminal A to now more luminal B means that the chemo will be effective.

That hope is just hard to hang onto when fatigue and other side effects just destroy the desire to do anything.

And so I will celebrate Valentine’s Day today and continue to do what is necessary, even if that is just to stay alive for another day. The MRI this morning will hopefully give us some additional information about how my liver is truly affected since PET/CTs aren’t always as sensitive.

❤️❤️ Maya and I left some goodies for my guys to find in the morning ❤️❤️

Published by Abigail Johnston

I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother, and I've been living with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer since March, 2017. All of the words I publish are my own.

Published

32 thoughts on “10 days after IV Chemo and an MRI”

  2. I started IV palliative chemotherapy in the summer – docetaxel. It’s pretty shit. The thing I have found really helpful is keeping a diary of my symptoms. I have a Day 1 page, a Day 2 page, etc. It’s amazing how consistent things are from one cycle to the next – it’s really helpful to be able to predict some of the symptoms, and it’s really helpful to know that they will pass. I hope the MRI goes well. I don’t know what else to say. Sending love and strength.

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  4. I feel so involved in your journey, Abigail. Thank you for this uplifting post; I know how hard it is to find some positive in all this muck of cancer. Mine has gone into my liver, too (I was bone mets only) and I will start Xeloda on the day after my liver biopsy. Damn it.

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  7. As someone with Stage IV and on IV chemo for 3yrs now I can tell you there is hope and there is light. You know better than most the miracles that can happen and how amazing our bodies are. I will continue to send prayers your way. You are truly an inspiration to many. ♥️

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  11. It must be hard to retain your resolve and fight, but I’m sure your family appreciates and loves you for doing it. Here’s wishing your body responds to the treatments.

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