It’s been a whole year ago since I posted about celebrating my second anniversary of blogging here at WordPress. You can read that one here. I celebrated last year by appearing on a radio show to talk about living with a terminal diagnosis. This year, three years, is not quite as celebratory. I got this notice in WordPress.
When I think back to when I was diagnosed and was told that the median life expectancy is 2-3 years after MBC diagnosis, three years seems like such a big accomplishment. Recently, I had to renew my disabled person’s parking permit and I vividly remember taking the application in four (4) years ago and thinking “this permit will last longer than I’ll be alive.” And here I am, four whole years later, getting it renewed.
With all of the losses in the MBC Community recently and my own progression last month, I know that the other shoe could drop at any time and I still hold my breath every three months when I get another scan, yet anniversaries and reminders of the amount of tine that has passed since my diagnosis can be both helpful and distressing at the same time. While I want to celebrate and I want to draw attention to this milestone, I am also mindful of others who haven’t or won’t get the same amount of time or the families who are triggered by the reminder that their loved one is no longer with us.
As with so many things, this too is a balancing act.
I am mindful of the angst I feel when people ring the bell to celebrate the end of treatment or a part of treatment and how triggering that is for me, since treatment will never be over for me. I am mindful and yet I know that there are some ways of celebrating that can provide hope to others. I don’t know the answer here, what hits the spot between the different camps or schools of thought.
What I do know is that I am oh so thankful to still be alive.
And I’m clinging to that today.