I’m so tired …

… it’s a tiring to be a forever patient, handle all that comes with the diagnosis and the treatment, learn about all of the things that I need to know and understand to make good decisions, advocate for myself and others, be a mom and wife and friend. I spend all my spoons every day and get to the end of each day feeling as though I’ve accomplished very little. There’s always still a list of so much that needs to be done in a variety of contexts, all things I WANT to do but just don’t have enough to do. Enough energy, enough brain power, enough emotional bandwidth, enough of ME. I’m just so tired ….

44 thoughts on “I’m so tired …

  1. Oh, it is tiring! Sometimes I don’t know how I held down a full-time job and managed all that life threw my way. I’m beat now if I have more than two things scheduled per day. I wish there were a way for you to do less, but I know your spoons are important to you.

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      1. That would be awesome, Abigail. Not that I have a lot of energy, but I would certainly give some of it to you! Thinking of you, my friend.💕

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  2. Of all the comonalities and side effects etc. we MBCers share, being tired is the one we can all relate to. Both mentally and physically. Taking that one more step forward some days is just too much. Resting and being kind to ourselves, not allowing our spoons to run out, are new skills we need to learn. ….hugs…

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  3. Your fatigue comes through loud and clear in your words. My heart goes out again and again to you, Abigail. Praying for strength sufficient for the tasks God intends for each day, nothing more, and that you can rest in accomplishing less. 🙏🙏🙏 ❤️❤️❤️

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  4. You convey so many emotions with your words. From the short time I have followed your blog, it appears you have given so much that you have not only emptied your bucket but it takes more and more energy to refill the bucket…and then a hole appears…and then another….and the bucket is empty again. You are strong and courageous and…tired. I don’t know how but can you give yourself permission to let the bucket fill (and patch) with help of friends and family? Grant yourself a timeout, even if briefly. You still will contribute to our world. And that takes energy…water in the bucket… Be kind and generous to yourself. You deserve it.

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  5. Yes! This is his I’m feeling. My mentally ill daughter expressed suicidal thoughts last night. Couldn’t get into her building. Cashless 911. 12 cos, furthermore, EMTs to her he to the hospital where they say they can talk with us. So I don’t sleep. Then they call this morning – of course they can talk to us! Of course they won’t release her to the streets! We get her and she’s angry, loopy, and won’t take suggestions. Fighting all afternoon. Go to pick up new drugs and one is Wrong! For a heart patient!! FML.

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  6. This speaks to all of us MBCers. Some days it feels like the only feeling I have is tiredness. A lot of wrenches get thrown in with those spoons. Sending you healing prayers and thoughts this week. ♥️🙏🏻

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  7. Those spoons go so quickly, Abigail. If you are getting up, putting on clothes, and writing, that is a lot! Every gesture and moment takes more out of us than before. You are doing all you can. And I so feel for you on the fatigue. Hugs! One slow and self-compassionate day at a time. XO

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  8. Just don’t stress about the things that you couldn’t complete today and enjoy more the things you were able to accomplish..and don’t be so hard on yourself…you’re an outstanding person with so much zest and drive….am sure what you achieve In a day is want most would achieve in a while…hugs to you 🤗🤗💗💗

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  9. Wish you and hubby could get away and let you recharge. Take a week or partial week off to take care of you 1st. Drop the other stuff and just rest and be pampered. So good for the soul and for later productivity. You do so much for all of us, it just amazes me! Hugs 🤗, love♥️ and peace my friend.

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  10. My dad gave me some wonderful advice many years ago. He told me that as long as I did what I could, tried my hardest, etc., it would be enough at the end of the day. There is no clear end point, and any and all that we accomplish each day is a move in the right direction.

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    1. Attempting to channel this perspective! It’s been a huge paradigm shift for me to be satisfied and fulfilled with what is best for me and my family. I had different goals for so long.

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  11. From your blog, it sounds like you’re a goal-setter. I’m the same way, and always have been. I think this perspective takes a whole lot of time, especially when it doesn’t feel natural. However much you’re able to shift your approach to the present and future, it will be enough!

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  12. I think even the most positive person gets worn down from the constant struggle of things. You’ve built a supportive community here, and I’m sure your family gets that some days you’re going to have more zip in the tank than others. Best wishes moving forward.

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