Still hanging in there?
I get tunnel vision at times and focus on one issue or one thing to the exclusion of most everything else. This can be useful at times, like preparing for a trial or a surgery or getting a project done; at the same time, it can be problematic as well.
For the last month, I’ve been focused on education. Focused on getting across the reality of living with a terminal diagnosis in a way that resonates with others. Yes, my angst has come through at times since I struggle with the focus on the pink ribbons and the fluffy, happy part of the cancer experience, which often excludes those of us whose reality is far different. I’m sure you’ve noted when I jump on my soap box and stay there for a bit.
But I would be remiss if I didn’t remember to say, yes the night is dark, but the dawn is coming. Yes, the experience is laced with death and suffering and bleakness, but there is still hope. Yes, cancer will end my life, but I am living now and making the most of the time I have with my family. Yes, my life will be measured in the amount of medication that I have left, but there are many more options that I can use and research is continuing each and every day.
One of my favorite verses that has become a bit of a mantra at times is Psalm 30:5, which says:
For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.
That joy coming in the morning is what keeps me going! The silver linings that I find and focus on, after the valleys. The unabashed joy and energy that my children demonstrate before me every day. The time that I do get with my husband and my parents since we live together. The partnerships, collaborations, and just plain support I have with others in the MBC community, the cancer community, and allies. Amidst the darkness and the sadness and the death, there are bright spots and I never want to forget that.
As my dear Emily Garnett always used to say, “It’s the worst club with the best people” and she was 100% right as usual.